This time of the year, spring peaks out from underneath snow-covered pastures and green leaves start to grow on the skeletal branches of the trees. Buds on the bushes and the smiles of the daffodils remind many aunties that it’s time to think about gardening.

A few weeks ago, I visited my girlfriend, Stephanie for our weekly tradition of watching “American Idol” with her family. When I arrived just before eight o’clock we found my godson and his twin brother waiting up for us.

“Aunt Steph, the boys want to ask you something. They’re upstairs in bed waiting for you,” my girlfriend said, wiping the counters down from snack time.

I love when they want to ask me something. It usually means something fun lies ahead on the horizon.

I tiptoed up the steps, rounded the corner into their room and said, “Boo!” Their heads under the covers, they giggled.

In unison they asked, “Aunt Steph, can we grow watermelons at your house?”

I scooted onto the edge of the bed and sat down. “Sure! How about pumpkins too?” I asked, rubbing their bellies.

“Yeah! We can carve them and make jack-o-lanterns,” they shouted.

We mapped out their plan; I kissed them both goodnight and plopped down on the sofa downstairs as the show started.

“So, did they ask you about the garden?” Stef asked me. “They sure did. The plan includes pumpkins and watermelons.”

Sunshine, Rain and Fertilizer
While we laughed, listened and bantered back and forth about our favorite contestants, it occurred to me. For a garden to thrive, it takes a host of elements working in conjunction with each other. The sun needs to shine enough, rain has to fall at an agreeable rate, the ground needs to be tilled just so, fertilizer evenly distributed, weeds controlled and the pH of the soil appropriate for each plant type.

In my experience, as an aunt to thirty-eight, the extra hands, ears, eyes and hearts of aunts are to raising children what sunshine, rain, fertilizer and weed control are to gardens.

Sprouts
The microscopic seeds first planted sprout up. Above the surface they bank on the promise the proper nutrients and elements wait in concert to provide what they need to flourish. Kids are not much different.

The art of raising children is much like the art of gardening. Parents do the majority of the work but without the support of extended family, especially aunties, the job proves far more challenging.  

Author Pearl S. Buck said, “No two people - no mere father and mother - as I have often said, are enough to provide emotional security for a child. He needs to feel himself one in a world of kinfolk, persons of variety in age and temperament, and yet allied to himself by an indissoluble bond which he cannot break if he could, for nature has welded him into it before he was born.”

The Contributions of Aunties
Extended family members help in very practical ways. An extra set of hands, especially when children are little, is invaluable. But I gave some thought to the other significant contributions we aunties make and what Buck meant, and came up with the following list. We are:

A critical part of the support team
Ears when parents or kids need a sounding board
Eyes that offer a different or fresh perspective
Words of wisdom (often congruent with parental value systems)
Role models

This spring while I help my nieces and nephews get our garden growing, my thoughts will travel beyond the seeds we sow. I’ll be focused on being sure my time with them is weed free and fertilizer rich. In that effort, I made a few suggestions. First, I suggested we take any excess fruits and vegetables to a food pantry. Second, I encouraged them to consider (with adult help), setting up a produce stand to learn about business. Third, I asked them to consider giving away a percentage of their earnings to a charity. The smart cookies they are, they went for all three.

Our goal as aunties should be to sprinkle them with the love and wisdom they need to grow into happy, flourishing adult members of our world.

Savvy Aunties, how do you help your nieces and nephews grow?

Stephanie Baffone, LPCMH, NCC  is an expert on love & loss.